Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
