what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
