It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
