I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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