i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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