Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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