remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
