Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
