i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
