i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
