if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
