walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We have started to decorate penises.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
