I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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