Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Too much gin, very little bucket
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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