My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
