Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
