i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
