We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
