the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize