just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
