I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
