is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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