I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
