I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How external is "for external use only"?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
