frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize