Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
