she looked like the bat from fern gully.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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