I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
a search helicopter?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
