I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
