Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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