Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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