I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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