watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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