North Korea, Best Korea!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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