And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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