Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
