Don't you send me to vm
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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