He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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