I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
