Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
