Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
