If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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