I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
