mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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