I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
