I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Still dying that you shit outside
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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