ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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