i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
