a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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