there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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