i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
