My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
