ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
