my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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