We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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