nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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