just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
