You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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