Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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