I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
