now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
