She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
